Inside and Out

A major question that our generation asks everyday is: How do I make myself happy? I know I ask myself this everyday. And every day I struggle to find a medium between the goals that I’ll achieve in my life, and the upsets which I’ll have to let go of. I am completely responsible for my past, present, and future. On the other hand, I have no control. Can I be in between?

I have some notes on my Blackberry where I write down my blog ideas as they pop into my head, as well as quotes or excerpts from things that I read. I do this not only to remember them for later on, but I do this to challenge myself and to remind myself of where I am going in life. There is one note that I keep adding to. I've called it "You are just fabulous" (I can't believe I just admitted that).

One entry reads:

"The fact is, you are totally capable of experiencing happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment right now. All you have to do is start living life like you count. Like you matter. Like what you do in each moment makes a difference in the world — Because it really does."

More than half of the quotes in “You are just fabulous” I have memorized by heart.

I was reading something the other day about paying attention to how you take off your shoes. It sounds very silly, but a lot of the times I struggle with this… I pay virtually no attention to the relationships, people, and things that I have at the moment and focus all of my energy on what will be coming or what I have lost. I constantly need a plan, and like the true over-analyzer that I am, when something doesn't work out, I replay different scenarios in my head. What if I had said this instead? What if I had done this differently? It's enough to drive anyone completely bonkers. When I’m busy I tend to ignore phone calls, people, and the things going on around me because I’ve immersed myself in my goals, failures and in my journey through life in general. Sometimes I know that I exude a stand-offish vibe, especially in these times where I am immersed in my own life in my own self-indulgent way. Sometimes I think, isn't that what being 23 is all about? Being a little selfish and focusing on what you want and where you want to go? I'm not really sure how to answer these questions yet, because to be honest, how I feel changes on a day to day basis. 

But let me ask you this ... How do you take off your shoes? Do you throw them to the side with no care in the world or do you place them gently on the shoe rack? It’s about how much attention you pay to the things and the people who are around now — Everything which you have now. I’m still trying to figure this one out… And I’m trying to be more careful with my shoes...